by B.J. Delas Armas
on 1/18/2005 05:48:00 PM
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My Middle-Class College Student Problems: Daily Bruin Woes
I think there's a stigma that follows most Asian dudes from ever expressing opinions.
Asian dudes aren't supposed to have a voice !
In class, while he may be the brightest of folks, the typical Asian guy at LA ain't going to say shit. He's going to sit there quietly either because the dude is timid and/or just doesn't know what the hell is going on, while his white counterparts (if they aren't visibly disinterested) babble off effortlessly sounding intelligent.
Me ? I've evolved into a combo of both timidity and un-knowingness in class which makes it doubly hard for me to say anything.
However, what I can't say, I usually express (or try to) in my writing. My writing has been my voice. Unless I say so, the words are devoid of me conveying that I'm actually a nervous wrecked timid BS-taking Asian kid. On paper at least, I'm a No-BS, confident, cocky, sniper who smoothly weaves words (OK maybe not). At least, I can't be refuted.
Now what does that have to do with the Daily Bruin ?
I got approved to write for them and everything. Way back in September. That was one of the happiest days I had at school because I thought it was such a big deal and that I was on some kind of fast track (which has since derailed and turned into something of a wreck). However, I have not written a single article for them yet (thus the track derailing and becoming a wreck. . .so far). All I have to do is turn something in, and 99% of the time they will publish it. I suck. I really suck.
So what the f is the holdup ?
They warned us that it was all on us, but that it would help to go into the office.
Well, I walked into the office like they told me to. Only I had nothing to talk about with anyone. I was trying, but I was just sitting there and ended up wasting a bunch of time.
What the hell was I supposed to say to a bunch of white dudes ? I mean it took me some time to get used to my white dude friends at SC, but I wasn't prepared to immediately speak with stranger white dudes in a group who seemed to have camraderie amongst each other. Completely alien territory for me. One at a fuckin' time yo ! I guess I was scared of rejection. I felt like I didn't know anything compared to them when I was all up in there face, even though I always looked at their articles and just knew I could do better. I couldn't even spit my ideas at them because I was completely brainfarting. That terrible experience has stopped me from going into the office since.
So basically, if I can just have the balls to get there once and have an already written article.
Is it just my problem ? Yeah, basically.
But also you need to consider that there were 13 others who got accepted with me. Only 3 of them are writing. All white folks. And there were about 7 Asian dudes out of that 13. But still, there are Asian dudes who write for the sports section of the Bruin.
I think it's time someone laid a chip on my shoulder.