by B.J. on 2/11/2005 12:41:00 AM 0 comments Print this post

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Tests, Papers,. . .Grades

I get pretty annoyed anytime anyone mentions grades to me. Mentioning them increases my intensity of pissed-offness at TA's and other stupid bitches in my class.

Grades on tests/papers especially in these history/anthro classes are someone else's subjective evaluation of what I have learned. Tests are what the professor may think is important but maybe isn't for you, and essays are graded based on what the TA thinks is important.

Fuck that subjectivism and stupid ass, unnecessarily critical TAs. Shake it like a saltshaker.

What rubs this wound worse is that the only time anyone in class wants to talk to me is usually after a test. They use my "uhhh. . ." reactions to see if they can gauge how they did and assure themselves that they got theirs.

Here's the usual flow of conversation:

Person: Soo, how'd you do on your test ?
Me: Uhhh, I don't know, it's up in the air. How 'bout you ?
Person: I think I did well, actually.
[The conversation should end here, but alas, keep reading]
Me: Oh that's great. (Looking to end conversation right here)
Person: You know what's funny, I only studied for 2 minutes.
Me: Ohhhh. . .(Nodding in that awkward reaction)
Person: It's so funny cause in my Astrophysics 105 class I did the same thing and my friends who have been studying for centuries didn't have a great look in their faces [implying "the look" I probably had] when they came out of that. Hee hee !
Me: (Completely forced) Oh yeah, ha, ha.

No, actually I don't find it funny at all and I don't think people like you are headed for anything great. Congratulations, nice to know you're just another elitist douche bag among the sea of [or actually hierarchy of] elitist douche bags who won't ever really do anything that great other than be pissed off by the better elitist douche bags that they are all actually on par with.

For me, tests, especially ones that deal with identification of something with particular names and dates --- the root of all evil --- it's just a marker of how much data you can bank in your heads, at one point in time, one place in time one administered by a single professor in a single course in a wide department of a wider discipline of a gigantic sea of knowledge. I hate tests.

I'm in this stage where I feel like I'm going through the motions of dealing with assigned tests and papers because I see a bigger picture of finding truths and realities, not facts and trivialities. I probably need better grades if I want to sniff anywhere near a Ph.D. or even just to get out with my goddamn B.A. but I also think that if it's meant to be, it'll happen. I believe I can make things happen, maybe not necessarily through strong grades but through other stuff outside of schooling.



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