by B.J. Delas Armas
on 9/01/2003 06:44:00 AM
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Stupid Fax Machine Is Elitist and Wants to Kill Me
These muthafawkin' conveniences. They're just more trouble than they are worth.
Today, it's the fawkin' fax machine. It ran out of film 5 days ago, so then it started beeping. And beeping. And beeping. And its about driven me nuts because it has not stopped.
I would like to know who added sound to the fax machine. Clearly, the added sound to the fax machine was a socially darwinistic high-class office invention. The punk who decided to add sound to this invention obviously failed to take into consideration that fax machine owners would not automatically have film to replace the old film. And the elitist punks knew that poor peons like us who tried to be high-class like them knew that we would not have film. And they took our freekin' money for it. And the name of the guy who added sound to this horrible machine is mysteriously being concealed. Conspiracy ? I think so. This is the high-class way of subtly killing us off to finally create that master breed that they've always wanted.
This constant noise that the fax machine emits is messing with my neurology
. The American Academy of pediatrics says, "Noise is undesirable sound."
"Exposure of adults to excessive noise results in: (1) noise-induced hearing loss that shows a clear dose-response relationship between its incidence and the intensity of exposure and (2) noise-induced stimulation of the autonomic nervous system, which reportedly results in high blood pressure and cardiovascular disease (reviewed by Kam et al2)."
Coincidentally, the guy who invented this fax machine is named Alexander Bain
. And Bain sounds like "bane." The bane of my existence.
Maybe tomorrow you will see a picture or even an mpeg file with me beating the crap out of this little lower-class terrorist office space style. But, my dad would get mad.